Top 10 Ways to Overcome a Breakup or Separation

A breakup or separation can be one of the most painful periods of our lives. There are typically 4 stages we go through before we heal, but there are ways we can reduce the duration and intensity of these stages. The stages include shock (disbelief that the relationship is over), bargaining (replaying the past and wondering what we could have done differently), anger (angry with yourself, your ex, the world, or god), and sadness. 

1. Allow Yourself Time to Feel the Emotions: It's important to acknowledge and accept that what you are going through is a normal human response. Feeling the intense emotional pain from the loss of the relationship is part of the healing process. Give yourself permission to cry, feel sadness, anger, and confusion without judgment.

2. Stay Connected with Friends and Family: It’s not uncommon for people to isolate themselves after a breakup for fear of judgement or generally not feeling the interest to be around others. However, being around others can provide comfort, distraction, and a sense of belonging during this lonely time. Remember that conversations don’t always need to center around the break up.  

3. Consider Professional Help: Speaking to a qualified therapist can be beneficial after a breakup. A therapist can provide space to explore your emotions, identify healthy and unhealthy patterns of thinking and behaving, help you gain insights, and develop healthier coping strategies. You can access therapy for men through Mens Wellness Clinic or for women through Psychology Today. 

4. Maintain Structure and Routine: Keeping a routine is crucial in helping restore a sense of normalcy and control. You may lack the energy and motivation, but make every effort to keep a schedule that focuses on activity and being productive. If we spend too much time at home with limited activity, we can often lose our sense of purpose, joy, and accomplishment.

5. Focus on Lifestyle: Prioritize activities that nurture your physical and mental health. This could include exercise, healthy eating, adequate sleep, abstaining from substance use, and getting morning sun exposure. Lack of balance in these areas can often lead to substantially lower production of feel good hormones and increase the likelihood of developing anxiety, panic, and depression.

6. Reflect on the Relationship: Reflect on aspects of the relationship that were within your control versus outside of your control and that may have contributed to the breakdown. Understanding these aspects can help you grow and make different choices in future relationships. Work on things that are within your control and practice acceptance around things that are outside of your control.

7. Avoid Rebounding: Resist the temptation to jump into a new relationship too quickly. Doing so, can prevent us from going through the natural process of grieving. This response to seek a new relationship can become a pattern that is unhealthy in the long run as we don’t give our bodies the opportunity to process grief. Give yourself time to heal before pursuing new romantic connections.

8. Set Boundaries: Adjusting to life being single can be challenging, particularly in the beginning. The break up can feel like an open wound and we may naturally seek to stay in contact with our ex for comfort. To heal it may be important to cut all direct and indirect contact while also avoiding all reminders. This might include avoiding going through pictures, old texts, their belongings, etc.

9. Create a “Things to do” List: Think back to things you did in the past that were fun but have stopped for whatever reason. Also, explore new hobbies and interests that you may have been thinking about but didn’t get around to. Engaging in activities that excite you can be a great way to rediscover yourself and create positive experiences independent of your past relationship.

10. Practice Forgiveness: Work towards forgiving both yourself and your ex-partner. Holding onto resentment and anger can hinder your healing process. Being stuck in the past can prevent you from dealing with the present. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, but rather freeing yourself from the burden of negative emotions.

Overcoming a breakup is a journey that takes time and patience. By incorporating these strategies, you can gradually heal and emerge stronger, with a deeper understanding of yourself and your needs in a relationship. Remember, it's okay to seek help and take all the time you need to fully recover.

To access cognitive behavioural therapy in Toronto, specializing in men’s mental health, please contact the mens wellness clinic to book a free 15 minute consultation through their website or by phone at 416 834 2080. To access therapy for women contact psychology today, which provides a list of psychotherapist that practice cognitive behavioural therapy.